Lets start with the mental health updates.
I think last thing you guys knew, I was on the verge of killing myself. After that I was placed in a mental health unit as an inpatient for 3 weeks. I wasn’t allowed out for the last 2 weeks and it was probably one of the hardest points of my life because I finally had to face my problems, there was no more running in the day and breaking down at 3am, I had to talk about why I was sad, what had issues with and why I felt I couldn’t face them. Since I left I’ve been feeling better. Not good, but better. I was diagnosed with a whole span of things, including depression, post traumatic stress and an emotional instability disorder - the first 2 were kind of obvious, the last one however was new to me and I discovered that I have the emotional stability of a 3 - 4 year old. It makes a lot of sense, it means the reason I have “tantrums” are legitimate, and the doctor was very keen to stress the fact that when I do have them, I truly believe what I am saying/feeling/doing and it isn’t in my control, but that we’ll work towards being able to do that in the future. They’ve had to decrease the amount of anti depressants I’m on due to other health issues….
Which leads me nicely onto my heart.
I’ve been on some medication for the last year, and I’ve now come to a stage where I need to detox from this, so my treatment has been stopped and in October I will travel to America to have a sort of “second stage” treatment. It’s all very complicated and I don’t even truly understand it myself.
Basically right now I’m very sick because I’m on no medication and won’t be until October. I’m sleeping very long hours at very strange times, I’m weak as hell, my bones always ache and I feel exhausted after walking up a small flight of stairs. I’m being closely monitored by Doctors, and so far I seem to be detoxing fine. I’ll let you know if that changes.
I’m hopeful for the future - but if this doesn’t work then I truly don’t know what will, it was a huge risk making this decision but the benefits I could achieve, to me, seem worth it. I don’t really want to go into any more detail, but if any friends want to mail me directly then we can talk through it.
BLAAAAHHHH so yes, good and bad news from both sides.
I’m having an awful week someone save me